News stories like this are a pain in the ass

As a reporter, I LIVE for police reports like this.

Officers responded to a report of an injury at 10:26 a.m. Nov. 1. A non-student male had fallen against a mirror propped against the wall during the. night. The mirror shattered and a shard of glass severely lacerated his buttocks. The injury was not reported until the morning, and the victim was transported to a hospital by ambulance.

I mean, the only way this could be better would be if I actually knew the kid with the lacerated butt cheek.

UPDATE: I’ve been fielding a bit of crap over this post. Allow me to explain:

Folks, do you REALLY think reporters pour over the police reports bemoaning the tragedies they report on?No. With the exception of kids getting killed, most of the time its “I can’t believe this idiot,” and a lot of the time, we’re talking about the victims.

Are reporters, specifically ‘police reporters,’ bad people. For the most part, no.  But we do laugh at your tragedies.

Feel free to comment!